You fall into the lamp.
There is a dark and formless expanse before you. You can barely see the ground beneath your feet and the bright red office chair some distance away. There is a man on it, he seems good natured, if a little tired. He is waving at you. The hand he is waving with is holding a crown that burns into his flesh.
BusinessCat!: Approach him?
inkst4ins: yea
You approach. He speaks to you.
> "Phew, third time's the charm, but I guess the charm also cuts your time short. Nice to finally meet Ellie's big shot friends!"
The chair is staining a darker red.
inkst4ins: i mean he's got the crown aswell we should ask for help to take it off right
BusinessCat!: Hey, can you take off that crown?
BusinessCat!: It's uh, hurting our friend.
> "Where'd you think I got mine, Mr. B? I hope your friend doesn't mind that I nicked it off of her!"
He laughs a little before clearing his throat.
> "In all seriousness, I had to walk out into the big SV for that little stunt, so I'm on quite a bit of borrowed time here. Though I'm a big fan of you guys and I was certainly hoping to have a lovely little chat, we've got a few more exchanges like this until I blow up right and proper, so I was hoping to set up a Q&A for you."
The floor around the man is starting to become sticky with twinkling black blood.
inkst4ins: oh alright uh
inkst4ins: what do you think
BusinessCat!: Are you asking me or him?
inkst4ins: you
BusinessCat!: Ask his name
BusinessCat!: Is he the doctor on the website?
inkst4ins: dr. nagy?
inkst4ins: lets see
inkst4ins: "What is your name?"
> "They say never meet your Heroes and I guess this is why, I knew y'all would be a tad slow at the combat but I've only got like 4 responses in canon left. Whatever, my name is Dr. Errol Zoltan Nagy. A pretty sweet one if I do say so myself."
He's looking more and more like a lump of meat.
inkst4ins: we should ask him what he knows about us
BusinessCat!: We could ask that, that is a great question
BusinessCat!: But also, i'm very interested in what he is
inkst4ins: "What do you know about us, Nagy?"
inkst4ins: after this we'll have 3 questions left i believe
> "Yep, that's the right count! Anyways, I know a little about the Evanescent broadly, but the most important part of you is that you're fancy shmancy real people in a Parareal shell! Well, then you're in an Unreal shell on top of that, but that's a thing I do too so it's not as impressive. I know that Mr. Paul Businesscat is my Icon, and I would die for him. I mean clearly. I'm not too sold on you, Mr. Richard Inkst4ins but I'm coming around."
His flesh begins to peel off of his bones.
inkst4ins: "I will earn your respect. What exactly are you though?"
> "I'm a fella who used to be real before I fell into a bunker and the world blew up! Now I'm the weakest Parareal entity around. So weak, in fact, that Unreality knows I'm lying when I decide to pay a visit! I hope that answers your question, because I'm about to have to think about not screaming for a second!"
His nervous system begins to light aflame, charring his bones and turning his puddle of flesh into a stinking lump of coal. His face has remained remarkably intact throughout this whole process.
BusinessCat!: Jesus christ
inkst4ins: two questions left right
BusinessCat!: Yup
inkst4ins: one of them we should probably ask if mary's gonna be ok
inkst4ins: the other about why we're in a lamp perhaps?
BusinessCat!: Maybe
BusinessCat!: I don't know if he knows a lot lorewise
BusinessCat!: So maybe asking about other entities like the rat king or the bohemian is off the board
BusinessCat!: Yeah ask him about Mary, the last one we'll think about it
inkst4ins: alright
inkst4ins: "Is our friend gonna be okay? Considering the whole crown thing."
> "Yeah man, I took away the crown! She's gonna smell like burnt fur for a hot minute though. You probably want her to take a shower. Oh and get like... some burn cream, it'll probably blister. Oh are you two worried about the negative health, I'll get on that. But don't worry, she's alive, I used Libra and then Aquarius so you should be all good. More than good, until the Starveil realises that Mary's health is mine, she should be able to take as many hits as you want. I updated the website with what should've happened. Obviously Layla isn't there so I can't confirm, but it's a reasonable estimate."
His bones melt from the heat of his burning remnants.
BusinessCat!: Last one
BusinessCat!: Make it count
BusinessCat!: What do we need to know right now the most?
BusinessCat!: And can be feasibily answered
inkst4ins: kay kay
inkst4ins: "What do we need to know RIGHT NOW the most?"
> Okay I'll give you a few because you're doing quite well for yourselves. First off, the lovely Ms. Yazzie has a page, but after I finished making it, Ellie, in her infinite wisdom, elected not to list it openly. I am just a head, but imagine I did air quotes there. On that note, Ms. Ellie has told me to warn you that we're getting to a point that involves a LOT of potential changes on your part. Eh-ehm, in her overfancy language 'Up until now, you've walked the beaten path because it is all that has been provided. From here on out, you have earned the right to proper autonomy.' That's all, goodbye now!"
He very rudely deepens his voice when quoting me. His skull then explodes outward, covering you in the deeply disturbing sensation of warm grey matter. It takes you a few minutes of heaving before you realize that you are both outside, facing an unlit lamp. It takes you a few MORE minutes of heaving to realize that the gore isn't actually covering you.
Mary: "What the fuck Where did you go"
END TRANSMISSION.